As good as a nice cup of tea, and a sit down.

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

The World's Crappest Music Videos: Parte the Firste

THANKS to all the people that contributed, now bask in the glory:

Stefan Dennis - Don't It Make You Feel Good?

No Stefan, it doesn't. Slightly creeped out, perhaps? I've got to say, the net curtain draped over the pillars is an inspired touch. Is your set designer Deb from Napoleon Dynamite? God bless Neighbours, though. Where else would we get our sub-standard Antipodean pop stars from? Imagine a world without it - perms might not have even become popular.

Brian Harvey - Going Backwardz

East 17's Brian is trying to convince us all he has moved on. Look: he has a girlfriend, and he's taken her on a nice day out to a motorway flyover, and a forest clearing! 100% certain she consented to this? Look at 2mins 30secs. But frequenting the areas of rapists aside, to me he will always be the lovable rogue who 'binged' on 47 jacket potatoes and then ran himself over. Long may he go forwardz.

Armi ja Danny - I Want To Love You Tender

At first I thought the slogan on their jumpers said 'D10', so I wondered if this bad-ass posse of dancers were affliated with the equally bad-ass rap crew. But then I doubt even D10 could afford such ground breaking vision. Their dancing makes flying Chitty Chitty Bang Bang into space with your paedo Uncle seem like a wonderful holiday.

The Blackout Crew - BBBBBOUNCE

AKA: 'If You Liked It Then You Should Have Put A Donk On It.'
That's right, the noise that spews out of cherub's mobiles on the back of the no. 56? It has a name, and it is DONK. I'm assured that Blackout Crew are the best in the land at donking. 'Bbbbbounce' is a reminder that they 'don't mess about.' And these lads certainly haven't on costing! Why pay for professional dancers when you can get your GCSE Geography class to do it for free? And screw getting a proper guest spot from a rapper, Neville's Dad will sit in his Toyota and no one will know the difference

So. We've covered RnB, Dance and 80s Pop. There's a gaping hole in this picture. Yes, of course, it's Death Metal!

Satyricon - Mother North

Taken from the album 'Nemesis Divina.' As God (or even better! Lucifer) as my witness: If anyone can tell me exactly what's going on here, I'll write you a cheque for 20 quid.
But who needs a plot when you've got Greta Big Tits running around in a see through nightie? Exactly.

If you have any more suggestions to add to this already fine selection, I'd love to hear about them. N x

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